Andy Turner

Beginning Thursday 20th July 2023 2pm – 4pm
LEARN WAYS TO RELAX , REDUCE ANXIETY & BUILD RESILIENCE.

TOPICS COVERED OVER THE 6 WEEKS WILL INCLUDE;

• Aromatherapy
• Massage Techniques
• Bach Flower Remedies
• Auricular Acupuncture
• Addressing Negative Self-Talk
• Journaling And Self-Reflection
• Stretching And Muscle Relaxation
• Breathing Techniques
• Meditation, And More.

The Class Will Be Gentle, Informative And Fun.

How to sign up?

Contact: Patricia Thompson at the Centre For Health And Wellbeing
Telephone: 02890 223220
For More Information And To Book Your Place

People don’t always say “I love you”. Sometimes it is said more like, “did you eat?”, “call me when you get home.”, or “be safe”. Sometimes people snap back, shout, huff, refuse to work as a team. Or more serious problems come up with trust betrayed or major relationship challenges.

Relationships aren’t perfect and sometimes they aren’t completely broken. It’s important to find time for yourself to think straight and use relaxing therapies and techniques to give yourself a chance. Find time together to address the root cause of the angst and problems and give your relationship a chance.

Blame

No-one wants to be seen as “the baddy”. Most often, both of you know something isn’t right and probably don’t know each others’ true feelings. But no-one wants to be “the baddy” – the one who let the other down or the one who called time on the relationship. Sometimes people hit self-destruct and act in a way, maybe subconsciously, to push the other away and drive a wedge, until they escape rather than implode.

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner or spouse; if you are sure the love is gone; if you have tried counselling and tried working through the problems you have overcome the hardest part – the actual break.

That’s not to say, the next weeks, months and possibly years, aren’t going to be difficult too.

Emotions

Whatever the reason for the split—and whether you wanted it or not – a breakup can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling emotions. Sadness and anger are mixed with disappointment, grief and above all else, stress. You can flip from resentment to relief and back to resentment. Confusion is tiring.

It’s not just the end of a partnership, but it can also feel like the life you thought you would lead in the future, is completely over. Of course, this isn’t true. Many of your dreams and plans can still be experienced but in the middle of the breakup, you aren’t thinking straight.

No Quick Fixes

That is the key thing. You can’t fix things overnight, but you can help yourself manage everything more calmly. Your brain is on overdrive and you need to find a way to think more clearly. Everything is out of sorts: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity.

It’s ok. In many ways, you’re not yourself, so you might as well go with the flow and try new things, that are just for you. Be that pilates, a head massage, a hot batch, or reflexology – nothing too taxing – something which lets you switch off. Nurture yourself.

It’s OK To Talk

Not a good idea to offload on social media or get into revisiting every bit of angst with your ex. But chat with friends, be honest with them on how you are genuinely feeling. You will be on a rollercoaster and waver back and forth from what you think is “the right thing” to do. Chat with your ex, if it can be helpful to work through finances or logistical arrangements. If the split can be remotely amicable that’s great, although very often breakups are messy and regurgitating all the negative points will not help you move forward.

Coping

It’s ok to feel like you aren’t coping. Most people juggle each emotion, each day. Avoid making it worse by going a bit crazy with booze or binge eating. They give short term relief and actually make the craziness worse. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.

Most people juggle each emotion, each day. Avoid making it worse by going a bit crazy with booze or binge eating. They give short term relief and actually make the craziness worse. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.

Grieving Is Important

It’s ok to grieve. Grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.

It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. But don’t feel like a failure and don’t lose your faith in others. A relationship ending is a big deal. It will impact how you feel about yourself and others, but don’t let it define you. Take time to work through what went wrong, without analysing too much. Spend time doing things just for you but also time with your close friends and family. You might not feel like doing very much, but find a balance to give yourself room to breathe and heal, to make sure you don’t carry anger or mistrust into the next relationship.

We are all a little broken, but broken crayons still colour.

Male suicide is a big mental health issue in Northern Ireland. But let’s stop calling it mental health. It’s health. Your brain is the biggest organ in the body and of course, it can crash.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.  Hands up if the doubts and fears in your head, have changed you:

• Made you lose weight or gain weight
• Made it impossible to leave the house
• Given you sleep problems
• Given you stomach problems
• Made you panic and suffer anxiety attacks
• Messed with your memory
• Made you break down
• Made you hurt yourself and want to quit?

Let’s talk about you, not everyone else.  The people who matter will know you aren’t rude, just anxious – not lazy but depressed. You’re not crazy and you aren’t attention-seeking.

Male Suicide and Anxiety

Anxiety is a twisted demon.  Friends and family can be screaming at you that you are loved and talented and that everything is going to be ok.  You will hear them, probably believe them. Then the anxiety voice in your head will come back and doubt will return.  Anxiety can be feeling unable to speak up and worried about appearing stupid or using the “right” words.

Anxiety makes you think everyone is judging you and feeling you aren’t living up to expectations. It plays tricks. Anxiety isn’t a weakness. Living with anxiety, turning up and doing stuff with anxiety – that takes strength. So be proud of yourself for how hard you are trying. Just because you are struggling, doesn’t mean you are failing.

Depression

Depression is losing interest in everything, even the things which you used to really enjoy. Emotional and tired and unable to find the energy to do even the most basic things.  Double whammy, anxiety and depression at the same time. Being scared and tired at the same time. The fear of failure but no urge to be productive. Wanting friends but hate having to be social. Feeling everything at once then feeling numb.

Male Suicide and Stress

When your mind is constantly racing and worrying about everything and everyone.  When there appears to be no time for anything and most of all, no time for you. One demand after another and nothing getting achieved.  Stress is a feeling that everyone wants a piece of you and believing you have to achieve and solve everything. Too much stress can literally cause the brain to shut down and freeze temporarily.

Healing

A much more important word is healing.  Healing is not an overnight process. It takes time and sometimes it feels a little bit better, then horrible again.  You feel tired and fed up. You feel close to breaking but there’s a strength within you even when you feel weak.  Keep fighting, one day at a time.  

Recovery

Recovery is not a straight line and you need help to navigate the highs and lows.  GPs might prescribe medicine to help and taken correctly, it can part the clouds just enough to help you see a little bit clearer. Spending time outdoors, absorbing fresh air, daylight and the peace found in nature can help you think clearer.  Being physical and working up a sweat, can release endorphins to help the chemicals in your brain. Getting a massage or reflexology or aromatherapy can truly help calm the brain and in turn help with sleep, eating and perspective. Use all of these and never give up. Tell a friend you are struggling because when “I” is replaced with “We”. Illness becomes Wellness.

Also, talk to yourself in the mirror.  You are not a failure and you are not a waste of space.  You are none of the negative thoughts you hear in your head and you are stronger than you think.

Everyone is a little broken, but broken crayons still colour. Please get in touch if you need help with your mental health.

Sad is a small word and doesn’t describe how it feels to lose a loved one.  Emptiness. Despair. Hurt, lost and aching. Frantic and feeling unable to cope.  Whether it’s a parent or partner, life long friend or elder sibling, we are never really prepared to say goodbye.  Its ok to be angry. Especially if your loved one has been taken before their time or due to an illness, accident or injustice.  Your emotions will be mixed and overwhelming during bereavement, made worse with shock and trauma if the loss is unexpected.

Don’t shut out other people.  You want to be alone, but it will help to share memories and feelings with your loved ones.  Listening to each other will help them and you. But amongst funeral preparations and people paying their respects, find time to grieve during bereavement. Time to let your emotions out.  Find your special place, where you can talk to your loved one. Its ok to spend some time alone, but try to remember, you are not alone.

Your family members are tired and fragile and this can feed short tempers.  Often they will say things they don’t really mean. You might bite your tongue or answer more sharply than normal.  Roll with it. The days leading up to and after the funeral, will in some ways become a blur and sharp words will be forgotten.  Seemingly small things will stay with you and in the coming weeks and months they will bring comfort.  

Let children and young people see your emotions during bereavement. It will help them show their own emotions and share how they are feeling,  Grieve together and it will help them to say goodbye. When you have lost a slightly distant loved one, teach children empathy and compassion for those in deep sorrow. 

Eat and sleep. You might lose your appetite but your body is in shock and needs fuel.  Of course it would be best to have nutritious wholesome regular meals ….. But unless you find therapy in cooking, you probably won’t even think about groceries, cooking or eating.  So aim to at least eat something, little and often, whether that’s simple snacks, or tea and toast or heated up carry out food. You will be hit with an overwhelming reminder of sorrow, each time you awaken, but it is important to sleep, or at least rest.  Even if it’s during the day, or on the sofa, let your body and brain switch off.  

Some days you will cry non-stop and other days you will feel guilty because you’ve gotten on with life and dared to go out in the fresh air and smile at a passer-by.  Some days you will feel anger and frustration and not really know why. Grief is impossible to control and is best let run its own course.  

In the weeks and months later, grief will hit you sideways on a random day, at an unexpected moment and triggered by an unexpected memory. It might be a song or movie; a seasonal holiday date or birthday gathering; or just arriving home after a normal busy day and wanting to talk to the person you’ve lost. It’s ok to fall into the grief and let it wash over you.  Draw on memories of happy times together or talk to the one you have lost.

You won’t want to hear platitudes, but time truly is a great healer.  Give yourself time. It doesn’t change the sadness and getting on with life doesn’t diminish how much someone is loved or remembered.  It can take years to fully grieve and go through various stages. Each of them is difficult but with time you will get stronger and calmer, ready to support your family on their tough days during bereavement.

If you continue to struggle with understanding your grief, talk to someone. If not family or friends, clergy or doctor… find a support group near your home. Don’t ignore grief, as it will catch up with you.  You owe it to your loved one, and to yourself, to grow and mature with loss.   

“There aren’t enough hours in the day.”

“I can’t even get ten minutes to myself”

What about “time out”?  Even with the best will in the world, modern life continuously demands our attention.  We are constantly juggling work, family, friends and housework. Add to that the beep of multiple social media channels. What about  ME?!!! 

Have you thought to yourself, could everyone just go away and leave me alone? Have you ever yearned for a commitment-free Sunday, then when it comes around, lay in bed thinking I better get up. I don’t want to waste the day… but I don’t want to face the day either.

Life’s many pressures affect everyone in different ways, at different times and to different levels. Stress, anxiety, depression, feeling overwhelmed or overly emotional – the one thing they have in common is the need for us to find time to help ourselves before they control our lives.

Have you time to breathe?

Breathe properly? Take 5 minutes to just pause, breathe and think about you.  What will build your strength and energy to better manage all the elements of modern life?  

You know that cutting out alcohol, exercising and getting more sleep, talking to friends and accepting you can’t manage or control everything – you know these things will help but even just getting that organised can be stressful!  So take an hour for you. An hour with no distractions.  

An hour with just you and one other person in a room and you don’t have to do anything. Just breathe.  Think about the different complementary therapies available and promise yourself to book one session. It’s more than an hour of time just for you, complementary therapies help in many ways:

Take a step back

Taking a step back clears your head and helps you see things more clearly.  Treatments such as Reiki can clear the mind and improve focus as you feel grounded & centred. Reiki can assist the body in cleansing itself from toxins and supports the immune system.

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy oils blended and used correctly in the home or as part of a massage are proven to reduce stress and anxiety while enhancing coping skills and resilience.  Each essential oil has different therapeutic properties. As well as relieving stress and acting as an antidepressant, aromatherapy oils can increase memory, boost energy, improve healing, enhance the Immune System and improve digestion.

Massage

Massage does more than remove aches, pains and tension.  It promotes harmony and balance in the body. It detoxifies and removes stress-induced blockages, whilst bringing relaxation to the muscles and calmness to the mind and nervous system. There are many different types of massage but they all help awaken the nervous system and boost the immune system – thereby healing the body and mind.

Different therapies help in different ways

Acupuncture can target specific areas to tackle everything from quitting smoking and suppressing appetite to lowering blood pressure and improving sleep.  Whilst Reflexology encourages the body to work naturally to restore and maintain its own healthy balance. It won’t remove all the things stressing your life but it will help reduce the symptoms your body experiences such as insomnia or migraines.  It can target digestive disorders and hormonal imbalances.

Stress Management

Attending a stress management class can help you learn a wide range of means of identifying, reducing and removing stresses and in doing so enhance your resilience. You can learn relaxation techniques to use at home or at work, every day.

The common theme for complementary therapies is the small amount of time you commit to yourself and the huge additional benefits your body and mind can benefit from.  As a wise man said, just do one thing each day, to make a difference.  

Whether you are in Year 6 and preparing for the transfer test; or a teenager studying for end of year exams, GCSEs, AS or A Levels; or working your way through College or University – exam stress can suck!

Exam stress is a pain in the neck.  In fact, it can be a pain in the head and stomach.   Here are six tips which might help. Go on, give it a quick read, it can do no harm and it might just help.

1. Keep It Real

Don’t talk yourself down. Remind yourself that you know your stuff. It’s all in there, it just feels overwhelming. Of course, there are some subjects or modules which you are struggling with – that’s normal.  If your mates are saying everything is sweet, they are probably exaggerating. Exams need to be taken seriously, with a plan of attack and effort. BUT exams do not define you. Exams do not require some superhuman, super clever miracle.  Don’t underestimate how much time you will need – make a plan and get on with it. It’s important. but it’s not the only thing that matters, so don’t turn it into a drama and keep your approach simple but effective.

2. Be Honest  

Be honest with yourself.  Don’t make excuses that suddenly you just have to go to the party; you just have to do the extra hours at work; you will start studying tomorrow.  Don’t kid yourself. Don’t put it off. Embrace what needs done and give it some attitude. Just start. Then repeat. Break it into smaller chunks and take the wins. Each chunk of studying is a win.

Be honest with parents.  They’ll understand you are niggly or short tempered. They will tell you not to worry, that it will all be ok.  What would they know? Oh yes, they did exams when they were younger. They worried and stressed. They know it can feel all consuming and hopeless. But look at your parents.  It worked out ok. Maybe it feels crap today. Maybe you just want to hide in bed. Maybe if you just focus and give it your best shot, it’ll work out ok.

3. Take The Help

Ask a teacher to help you with something or ask the lecturer to be specific on what is expected of you.  Big sisters and brothers, you can help. Not by asking the obvious question of “how is the studying going?” or, “are you ready for the exam?” That’s going to get a simple answer to humour you and stop the conversation.  Offer to help, perhaps by making a light snack or running through questions, or helping create a quiet time out in the house.

4. Feed Your Brain, Not Your Impulse

Pizza, burgers, chips, crisps, chocolate, cheese toasties!  All yummy and exactly what you crave, either to cheer yourself up or get a quick pick-me-up but its short lived and then you want more.  You might feel a little bit cosey, but that’s short lived too, and then you’ll feel a bit moody or agitated. The carbs slow you down, make you feel tired and before you know you don’t have any energy to study. Energy drinks and coffee also give that short term effect so stock up on tasty but lighter snacks such as bananas or nuts – and normal drinks like sugar free cordial (if you think water is boring) or a glass of milk or a cup of tea!

5. Pat Yourself On Your Back

In your plan, give yourself rewards and time out.  That doesn’t mean spend hours and hours on social media, but once you’ve completed a few hours study, take an hour doing something which makes you happy.  Go sit on the grass and enjoy the sun on your face. Go to the cinema or watch an episode of your favourite TV programme. Listen to music or visit older relatives. Do something you enjoy. Then get back to studying.

6. Breath

Take a deep breath each morning and remind yourself, it’s all going to be ok.  When you’re studying and feel the pressure build, take a deep breath. When you can’t sleep, close your eyes, switch off your phone, think of something nice and take several deep breaths until you switch off your brain.  When you sit down to the exam, and you worry you’re about to go blank, take a deep breath and think about the keywords, then the main sentence in your head. Get that written down and the rest will start to build. When you come out from the exam, take a deep breath and remember, you did it and you can do it again. When you get results, take a deep breath and remember you did your best and you can try again if you need to improve.